Monday, December 10, 2007
( the baby that dosen't see clearly)The poet Yeats wrote, If I make the lashes dark And the eyes more bright And the lips more scarlet, Or ask if all be right From mirror after mirror No vanity’s displayed: I’m looking for the face I had Before the world was made. (“Before the World Was Made” from the poem “A Woman Young and Old”) Yes, that’s it. When we take a second glance in the mirror, when you pause to look again at a photograph, we are looking for a glory you know you were meant to have, if only because you know you long to have it. You remember faintly that you were once more than what you have become. Your story didn’t start with sin, and thank God, it does not end with sin. It ends with glory restored: “Those he justified, he also glorified” (Rom. 8:30). And “in the meantime,” you have been transformed, and you are being transformed. You’ve been given a new heart. Now God is restoring your glory. He is bringing you fully alive. Because the glory of God is you fully alive. “Well, then, if this is all true, why don’t I see it?” Precisely. Exactly. Now we are reaching my point. The fact that you do not see your good heart and your glory is only proof of how effective the assault has been. We don’t see ourselves clearly. {8:36 PM}
Sunday, December 9, 2007
hey yoh!
hahah! have decided that this blog from now on its not going to wad i feel and the on going detail about my life anymore... realised that its nt a good idea... SO! from nw on! it be maybe things i read on books or sermons that i have listen to.. NO MORE LIFE! hahaha! ok! hahs! so ta!
{1:26 AM}
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
recently, i have been talking about the heart... and you all know that i always talk to myself, reasoning the things i have done for the day..... and always i feel what i have done is small.. so little in my eyes.. then sometimes i even despise myself.. sometimes i knw i have done wrong and hurt people and i hate myself.. but its always the Holy Spirit at my side reminding me that i am precious in His sight. that i may do wrongs things but He will make things right again... He will teach me.. then i sigh.. not because of the things He said.. but because i am scared that i cant improve fast enough.. mature fast enough... respond fast enough...
i went to powerhouse and i was praying and all of sudden my heart was overhelmed with grief and i sobbed.... and i couldnt comprehend why.. but i was grieving ... literally like a child that have been trampled underfoot and hurting all over... my heart ache a lot... and i went on for an hour crying...then suddenly God ask me this, " why did you walk with Me if you cant trust Me?" and i realise the tears that is flowing out was not totally out of my stress or wadever, but Him. It shook me... i was trembling all over..i felt hot in the middle of the freezing room.... i felt as if i had been ran over by a truck again... Then all of sudden, God was speaking to me and i cry at each memory was being revived.. it was tearing me apart.. but every time He remind, He comfort..... of each betrayal.. each wound that i try to ignore and go on thinking naively that it'll heal but it didnt... He reminds and heal and remind and heal... After 6 times of this cycle i could not take it anymore.. I cry out loud for restoration of my heart and pleaded Him not to let it hurt me anymore.. not to let it trouble me anymore.. and now when i think of it.. i dun feel pain anymore.. it no longer hurts...... and i thank Him for it.. then i realise one thing.. that He wans the truth... the truth of our inner most being.. and one of the way is to draw you back to the memory again.. but frens when He does this.. allow Him to do so.. He has got something to tell us... thats for sure.... but pls discern if its Him or the other ok! hahaha! ok i shan say more.. otherwise it be long again!
{7:55 AM}
Monday, December 3, 2007
hey hey hey! ok bear bear this is the update ok!hahha! ok here it goes... its pretty long anyway... but who cares it belong to me kays.. haha
how can we really see? not jus with ure eyes, visible things, but the unseen, using ure heart to see... i was again doing my Qt and crying and asking God for support, strength and talking to God.. recently it have been tough on me.... then.. he gave me this verse
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are waiting away, yet inwardly we are renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor 4:16-18 )
the first line jus caught my attention. "Therefore we do not lose heart"... Somebody actually know not to lose heart? who? hahaha! i mean all of us, ok i am talkin about ure fren..hahaha! i mean all of us lose heart often, almost everyday! the glorious, resilient image of God in us have been fading away. Just like God and paul and many others, they had a hard life, turned away by people, it was like WAR! haha! wow eh? i mean look at them, but there is one more , "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on the unseen" ... i was like HUH!.. hahah i mean yea its hard for us to see the unseen! i mean haha we talk about it, we listen to pastor preach about it but many of us do not been able to fully understand or comprehend it.
and i was reading and reading and reading then this verse suddenly pop up in my mind, (Luke 24:30-32) When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognised him, and he disappeared from their sight. They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?"
the reason behind that God gave this scripture? have you ever wondered why? why was the verses put up in such manner, arranged in such order?
there is more going on than what our naked eye can see! there are of 2 world. One in which we can see, the other we cant see.. Without the burning in our hearts, we have lost the meaning of our days. The reason behind our faith will then be gone. This way of looking using the naked eye steal away a lot of things from you.
Jesus, Paul, Stephen (if i remember correctly haha) were murdered for it, they tried to wake us up that HEY! dun jus see wad u can see! and they got silenced. WHY? WE ARE NOT WHAT WE SEEM!!! we seem to do the mundane things but hey! wake UP !!! WAKE UP!! there is a glory to our life that the evil fears! and he will try all ways to put us down even before we can use or discover it. it may sound YEA RIGHT! many pastors preached about it and yea right! but if you really look at it this way, if you really see things using this other eye/view and you believe in it. your world changes! the joy of the Lord will come upon you every min, every day, every cell of your body! and all day you will give Him praise! HALLELUJAH! then i was reading books by C.S lewis and i see this," Do you think I am trying to weave a spell? Perhaps i am; but remember your fairy tales. Spells are used for breaking enchantments as well for inducing them. And you and I have need of the strongest spell that can be found to wake us from the evil enchantment of worldliness which has been laid upon us for nearly a hundred years. "
Think using imaginations until you can see with your heart. yup!
We do see that our life as CHRISTIANS haha! is to know that everything we read in scriptures is true! and its for us to come to know it is really the truth. you may sing "the truth, the light , the way" but do you really believe in it?? we may discover the task for us is for us solely to accomplish. WE have so much around us, happening all around us... inside outside.. everywhere.. But we have to find our courage!
The hour is late! and you are very much needed by God! (otherwise He wouldn't gone to the cross for you!..use your common sense.He died so that we can have our heart and sets us free) so much hangs on the balance... where is ure heart now? where is it?
Remember, the Enemy will try all ways to make u busy to let you be weary and ignore the heart, to wound you deeply till you sometimes will not want a heart,to twist theology so you will despise the heart. Of course then your heart be in fierce and great battle cause it is the most precious to God. Without heart, you cannot have faith! in other words, without your heart, you cannot have a life!! The question now, did Jesus kept his promise? What have he done for out heart?
ifs your heart is not of the right attitude, not of the right place, repent before Him, pray for ure eyes to be opened to the unseen.. pray guys! PRAY...
Also, i was listening to phil pringle and he said this, God says that His yoke is light.. but many of us regard the things that we ought to do as a duty... thus we get heavy hearted and very restless.. but hey din God say His yoke is light? if its by your strength you do things, and which yoke are you carrying? the church? yours? your ministry? or His??! cast ure cares on Him, are you able to do it yet? are you able to carry His works through you and not your supposed to do list work from yourself? think about it.. and learn to tap into His strength, His presence, His power.. learn guys.. there is so much on so little! why wun you listen and see! and taste the goodness of God.. Let Him control you instead of you running to the things that you 'want to accomplish' come on! arent you a little silly for this? HUH?
{3:27 AM}
Thursday, November 29, 2007
haven been thinking pretty much again these few days, and after reading others blog, i felt amused by one of them. i thought to myself, why do people feel this way, the main cause, the factors that attributed to it? and then my mind drifted to another part after much questioning. Its again about human relationship. i ask myself, have i done well? obviously not. but i have tried and tried... then as i was doing my QT, i thought i was being transported into a mountain top, with Him. And i trembled all over, and then tears jus spill out of their own accord, it's just so sudden. Then He asked me few questions, and gave me all the answers. he later directed me to few scriptures and i felt like the things that have constrained my mind to think are gone. Boop! jus like that. Words He said were jus few, but its enough to last me a long time. And later i continue to worship Him. His presence is more than enough.many people around me are going through difficult times i know, but if you yourself dun wan to break through that barrier, God is not going to force you, He never force, but He is waiting for you on the other side of the river. Are you going to stay there waiting for a magical cloud to carry you over? its not going to happen you know.. haha... it takes your effort. Yes, its hard, its tough you complain. but hey, Jesus took the step to scarifice for us, are you going to let Him wait forever? He can, and He will. But look beyond that, fight not jus in your battlefield but His. not jus fighting for your battle but His! Fight for His will, have you forgotten? have all the things that you try to do blur your vision? have the things you try to get been too hard to get and you have been running after it for too long? what are you holding on? what are you letting go? when are you going to be like this? when are you going to step out of the boat and walk on the water with Him? where are you?
anyway, i wanna thank pu pu! hahaha! thanks for being with me even when i am crying over chatting with you. talking with you comforts me. LOVE YOU! hahahaah!
{6:03 AM}
Saturday, November 24, 2007
heh heh heh~ hahah! i am so happy! sha la la! haha! today's messge was a good one. at first i was thinking that pastor jus preach about dreams and how to make them a reality and thats it... but it was the end that really touched me.. the bitterness and forgiveness part. i mean i jus blog up that there are things happening in my life that i am upset about and was hurt. yes i admit, that i was hurt and was allowing myself to have bitterness inside my heart that i thought that as long i dun say,it will somehow go away.... but when pastor tan talked about the bitterness and how the bitter and sweet is near, it hit me.... it shook me... and it stings.. it really does.. then uncontrollably i literally cry like a baby.. then i bring all my hurt and worship Him.. for He is greatest above all.. then after that i told myself, i mus let it go... i mean this is life... a life which is full of ups and down... if this again i am going to withhold anything from Him, how am i able to go on with jus my own strength?.... everything pastor said really impacted me... and i hope it did hit you too! hahaha! BLEH~
{8:25 AM}
Friday, November 23, 2007
batman! yea yea! hahahah! i told ms wen that i used to have this batman outfit when i was young! i was memerized by batman and his heroic works! hahaha! i had the full outfit! but too bad that i din photo in it when i was young... sigh... hahhaa... well.. things have been happening these few days and i thought of giving up.. i thought of why mus i go through so much and why do i have to face them.. and i started to break down before bible study... its been a while that i cried, literally cried for few mins.. i am strong kays! haha! i thought to myself that why mus i hang on, why mus i listen to ppl when no one is listening to me.. i ask myself why did i do this why nt that and all kind of stuff flooded my mind.. within us really few mins i managed to get a hold of myself and pull myself back together.. when i got home i felt better and ate ice cream which improved my mood a whole lot better... then i realised that why mus i think of these.... jus let God deal with it and let Him jus lead me.. and i have to put all the hurt that people inflict and jus let it go... then all of sudden this thought jus prop up.. frens.. my love for them... how can i love them more? how do i tell them how much they meant to me.. people around me... and new blood.. new covenant.. my prayer group.. and it all hangs on me... then i listen to corrinne may songs and i cry on the inside.. i told myself i have to be strong... God is in me and He lives in me... i mus nt let my flesh and thought ruin me... then evan preached today's message then it remind me.. in the afternoon i was reading Max Lucado's He chose the nails and when i read it my whole heart flipped.. the love of God. the process He had to go through.. compared to ours, ours are jus like dust.. sitting in the afternoon in spinelli all of sudden i started to pray on the inside... then peace and all you need jus come over you... the love of God... how He touched me.. the things He showed me.. jus as u wait on Him, He come. I believe!
{8:59 AM}