Thursday, November 29, 2007
haven been thinking pretty much again these few days, and after reading others blog, i felt amused by one of them. i thought to myself, why do people feel this way, the main cause, the factors that attributed to it? and then my mind drifted to another part after much questioning. Its again about human relationship. i ask myself, have i done well? obviously not. but i have tried and tried... then as i was doing my QT, i thought i was being transported into a mountain top, with Him. And i trembled all over, and then tears jus spill out of their own accord, it's just so sudden. Then He asked me few questions, and gave me all the answers. he later directed me to few scriptures and i felt like the things that have constrained my mind to think are gone. Boop! jus like that. Words He said were jus few, but its enough to last me a long time. And later i continue to worship Him. His presence is more than enough.many people around me are going through difficult times i know, but if you yourself dun wan to break through that barrier, God is not going to force you, He never force, but He is waiting for you on the other side of the river. Are you going to stay there waiting for a magical cloud to carry you over? its not going to happen you know.. haha... it takes your effort. Yes, its hard, its tough you complain. but hey, Jesus took the step to scarifice for us, are you going to let Him wait forever? He can, and He will. But look beyond that, fight not jus in your battlefield but His. not jus fighting for your battle but His! Fight for His will, have you forgotten? have all the things that you try to do blur your vision? have the things you try to get been too hard to get and you have been running after it for too long? what are you holding on? what are you letting go? when are you going to be like this? when are you going to step out of the boat and walk on the water with Him? where are you?
anyway, i wanna thank pu pu! hahaha! thanks for being with me even when i am crying over chatting with you. talking with you comforts me. LOVE YOU! hahahaah!
{6:03 AM}
Saturday, November 24, 2007
heh heh heh~ hahah! i am so happy! sha la la! haha! today's messge was a good one. at first i was thinking that pastor jus preach about dreams and how to make them a reality and thats it... but it was the end that really touched me.. the bitterness and forgiveness part. i mean i jus blog up that there are things happening in my life that i am upset about and was hurt. yes i admit, that i was hurt and was allowing myself to have bitterness inside my heart that i thought that as long i dun say,it will somehow go away.... but when pastor tan talked about the bitterness and how the bitter and sweet is near, it hit me.... it shook me... and it stings.. it really does.. then uncontrollably i literally cry like a baby.. then i bring all my hurt and worship Him.. for He is greatest above all.. then after that i told myself, i mus let it go... i mean this is life... a life which is full of ups and down... if this again i am going to withhold anything from Him, how am i able to go on with jus my own strength?.... everything pastor said really impacted me... and i hope it did hit you too! hahaha! BLEH~
{8:25 AM}
Friday, November 23, 2007
batman! yea yea! hahahah! i told ms wen that i used to have this batman outfit when i was young! i was memerized by batman and his heroic works! hahaha! i had the full outfit! but too bad that i din photo in it when i was young... sigh... hahhaa... well.. things have been happening these few days and i thought of giving up.. i thought of why mus i go through so much and why do i have to face them.. and i started to break down before bible study... its been a while that i cried, literally cried for few mins.. i am strong kays! haha! i thought to myself that why mus i hang on, why mus i listen to ppl when no one is listening to me.. i ask myself why did i do this why nt that and all kind of stuff flooded my mind.. within us really few mins i managed to get a hold of myself and pull myself back together.. when i got home i felt better and ate ice cream which improved my mood a whole lot better... then i realised that why mus i think of these.... jus let God deal with it and let Him jus lead me.. and i have to put all the hurt that people inflict and jus let it go... then all of sudden this thought jus prop up.. frens.. my love for them... how can i love them more? how do i tell them how much they meant to me.. people around me... and new blood.. new covenant.. my prayer group.. and it all hangs on me... then i listen to corrinne may songs and i cry on the inside.. i told myself i have to be strong... God is in me and He lives in me... i mus nt let my flesh and thought ruin me... then evan preached today's message then it remind me.. in the afternoon i was reading Max Lucado's He chose the nails and when i read it my whole heart flipped.. the love of God. the process He had to go through.. compared to ours, ours are jus like dust.. sitting in the afternoon in spinelli all of sudden i started to pray on the inside... then peace and all you need jus come over you... the love of God... how He touched me.. the things He showed me.. jus as u wait on Him, He come. I believe!
{8:59 AM}
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
well... currently at spinelli waiting for the day to pass... hahah then all of sudden had panic attack and couldnt breathe.... sigh.. i mus overcome my fear and start applying my theraphy on myself! hahah!.. anyway, jus feel really bored and my head feel heavy hahaha! as in there is too much to store and gosh really have to handle things well! bored and then thought of questions here and there.. overthinking takes place when i am bored.. haha.. so yea then a lot of answer and thoughts and i start to miss people.. wad a random one!
{10:41 PM}
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Hey yo yo yo!!!!! ah fang fang in the hse yoh! haha! phil's painting have been awesome i mean really BEAUUUUTIFULLLL! wheet wheeet!! hahaha! well, anyway, when pastor phil painted the twelve disciples, i was wanting to be the red one with purple hair! hahah! judas looked the most miserable one anyway! haha! and when pastor was painting, my heart started pounding, a mixture of excitement, hope, happy, sad, and a lot of emotions was going on. then i jus feel the holy spirit was moving, and out of sudden i tear and it jus so amazzzzing! haha! okok! i also like the cross! which is like whoo!i mean if i have that in my personal ideal room in future! woo hoo!i be like pastor ulf taking his jacket and swing man! haha!
oh yep yep, hahaha it was so funny that i have to buy a birthday card on saturday then was so extremely tired and din wanna go, so smsed ms wendy if she have, she said yes and later called me and asked if its cake! i am like noooooooooo, card..... not cake... and i was in a very oh no mood ! haha.. but anyway have to go buy present so might as well buy card also... hahaha... but MS WENDY! thanks anyway! hahaa! she is also one of my closer fren that i can also talk to ! she is also very nice and i feel that she is someone that i can learn a lot from. and her words i do value a lot, though her words sometimes makes u think a lot hahaha! but hey she is one of my better pals kays! hahahah! i mean okay jus a bottomline, i do take her and other better pals seriously! .....
.. a lot in my mind now, but cast ure burdern on him right? ok. hahaha! thats wad i always do. anyway wendy! i love ure mom! hahaha! she is such a cute power mom i should say! haha! and i do envy them truthfully. i mean i yearn for a family like the ongs' haha! i mean, how many people will have family that u can jus feel that they are so together you know. of course every family have their own problems but i mean maybe its because i dun have that, thats why i would wanna have that. haha! ok lar no more talking already! have to finish up my research paper! BYE!
{1:28 AM}
Sunday, November 11, 2007
hey hey hey! i am back! fang's back in action! doodoodoo! hahah! i can be back all thanks to pam!!! haha! eveytime when i feel so down and helpless i can always turn to her. though things that she says all its wad u know and so simple but thats the point i need it.. and maybe cause i place a lot of value in her words, it makes me reliant on her more and more.. of course i mean i also mind a lot of my frens and all but maybe its the first impression i got from her, always so positive, makes my insides vroom vroom again. hah! anyway after this wk with pastor Ulf is such a blessing. I mean i receive a lot! trust me! haha! answers that i have been asking have been answered. Really.. and it triggers me to probe more and ask God a of things. I overthink a lot, thats one of my the things that should have been 'not to do' list but hey overthinking makes ure cells work more and churn more aye?
hahaha! ADOIS!
{7:19 AM}
Thursday, November 8, 2007
on the verge on breaking down... sigh.. work and stress level is shooting up to the sky. then mood swing and listening to song and realise that i am not alone! haha! reminders by the Holy Spirit that He is with me! gosh! with Him thats y i am able to last that long! pray pray pray.
{9:11 AM}
Monday, November 5, 2007
{12:32 AM}
Saturday, November 3, 2007
well, this wk is ARISE and BUILD!!! woooo!! haha! well jus to say that i am really trusting God and i was so impacted by what pastor preached today.. guess that cause there are some things that really affected me and i really recieve it and it was really awesome! i am jus beggining to recover but i guess i need more rest.. been busy with school work and cell and esp human relationship. but really love people as i love God hahahah really testing me to the ultimate! hahahah! i din expect myself to pledge that amount but i believe that my faith will move the hand of God! haha! okay got headache alr and have to rush essay OUT!!!
{9:25 AM}
Thursday, November 1, 2007
terrible terrible day.... gosh, though i slept early but its so horrible, i keep getting headache that it hurts so much that i have to wake up many times to sit up and moan over it hahaha.. keep praying for my own health though... sat have to meet steven and today fri have to meet desmond and try to bring him over for cell....deep inside i am tired really, to the core i think hahaha. but God keep reminding me of things and i really rely on His strength to carry on.... then after which i want to watch the gameplay!!! ee yeeerrrrr! hahaha... been facing lots of people with problems that can be solved easily, but just that they need encouragement. patience is the key. alright.. shucks my hand kepe trembling as i type.. maybe its the medication.. okay okay got to do song sheet le ! OUT!!
{8:34 PM}