Love Jesus Love others

2007-12-10T20:36:00.000-08:00

( the baby that dosen't see clearly)

The poet Yeats wrote, If I make the lashes dark And the eyes more bright And the lips more scarlet, Or ask if all be right From mirror after mirror No vanity’s displayed: I’m looking for the face I had Before the world was made. (“Before the World Was Made” from the poem “A Woman Young and Old”) Yes, that’s it. When we take a second glance in the mirror, when you pause to look again at a photograph, we are looking for a glory you know you were meant to have, if only because you know you long to have it. You remember faintly that you were once more than what you have become. Your story didn’t start with sin, and thank God, it does not end with sin. It ends with glory restored: “Those he justified, he also glorified” (Rom. 8:30). And “in the meantime,” you have been transformed, and you are being transformed. You’ve been given a new heart. Now God is restoring your glory. He is bringing you fully alive. Because the glory of God is you fully alive. “Well, then, if this is all true, why don’t I see it?” Precisely. Exactly. Now we are reaching my point. The fact that you do not see your good heart and your glory is only proof of how effective the assault has been. We don’t see ourselves clearly.

2007-12-09T01:26:00.000-08:00

hey yoh!
hahah! have decided that this blog from now on its not going to wad i feel and the on going detail about my life anymore... realised that its nt a good idea... SO! from nw on! it be maybe things i read on books or sermons that i have listen to.. NO MORE LIFE! hahaha! ok! hahs! so ta!

the matter of heart

2007-12-05T07:55:00.000-08:00

recently, i have been talking about the heart... and you all know that i always talk to myself, reasoning the things i have done for the day..... and always i feel what i have done is small.. so little in my eyes.. then sometimes i even despise myself.. sometimes i knw i have done wrong and hurt people and i hate myself.. but its always the Holy Spirit at my side reminding me that i am precious in His sight. that i may do wrongs things but He will make things right again... He will teach me.. then i sigh.. not because of the things He said.. but because i am scared that i cant improve fast enough.. mature fast enough... respond fast enough...

i went to powerhouse and i was praying and all of sudden my heart was overhelmed with grief and i sobbed.... and i couldnt comprehend why.. but i was grieving ... literally like a child that have been trampled underfoot and hurting all over... my heart ache a lot... and i went on for an hour crying...then suddenly God ask me this, " why did you walk with Me if you cant trust Me?" and i realise the tears that is flowing out was not totally out of my stress or wadever, but Him. It shook me... i was trembling all over..i felt hot in the middle of the freezing room.... i felt as if i had been ran over by a truck again... Then all of sudden, God was speaking to me and i cry at each memory was being revived.. it was tearing me apart.. but every time He remind, He comfort..... of each betrayal.. each wound that i try to ignore and go on thinking naively that it'll heal but it didnt... He reminds and heal and remind and heal... After 6 times of this cycle i could not take it anymore.. I cry out loud for restoration of my heart and pleaded Him not to let it hurt me anymore.. not to let it trouble me anymore.. and now when i think of it.. i dun feel pain anymore.. it no longer hurts...... and i thank Him for it.. then i realise one thing.. that He wans the truth... the truth of our inner most being.. and one of the way is to draw you back to the memory again.. but frens when He does this.. allow Him to do so.. He has got something to tell us... thats for sure.... but pls discern if its Him or the other ok! hahaha! ok i shan say more.. otherwise it be long again!

2007-12-03T03:27:00.000-08:00

hey hey hey! ok bear bear this is the update ok!hahha! ok here it goes... its pretty long anyway... but who cares it belong to me kays.. haha

how can we really see? not jus with ure eyes, visible things, but the unseen, using ure heart to see... i was again doing my Qt and crying and asking God for support, strength and talking to God.. recently it have been tough on me.... then.. he gave me this verse
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are waiting away, yet inwardly we are renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor 4:16-18 )

the first line jus caught my attention. "Therefore we do not lose heart"... Somebody actually know not to lose heart? who? hahaha! i mean all of us, ok i am talkin about ure fren..hahaha! i mean all of us lose heart often, almost everyday! the glorious, resilient image of God in us have been fading away. Just like God and paul and many others, they had a hard life, turned away by people, it was like WAR! haha! wow eh? i mean look at them, but there is one more , "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on the unseen" ... i was like HUH!.. hahah i mean yea its hard for us to see the unseen! i mean haha we talk about it, we listen to pastor preach about it but many of us do not been able to fully understand or comprehend it.
and i was reading and reading and reading then this verse suddenly pop up in my mind, (Luke 24:30-32) When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognised him, and he disappeared from their sight. They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?"

the reason behind that God gave this scripture? have you ever wondered why? why was the verses put up in such manner, arranged in such order?
there is more going on than what our naked eye can see! there are of 2 world. One in which we can see, the other we cant see.. Without the burning in our hearts, we have lost the meaning of our days. The reason behind our faith will then be gone. This way of looking using the naked eye steal away a lot of things from you.

Jesus, Paul, Stephen (if i remember correctly haha) were murdered for it, they tried to wake us up that HEY! dun jus see wad u can see! and they got silenced. WHY? WE ARE NOT WHAT WE SEEM!!! we seem to do the mundane things but hey! wake UP !!! WAKE UP!! there is a glory to our life that the evil fears! and he will try all ways to put us down even before we can use or discover it. it may sound YEA RIGHT! many pastors preached about it and yea right! but if you really look at it this way, if you really see things using this other eye/view and you believe in it. your world changes! the joy of the Lord will come upon you every min, every day, every cell of your body! and all day you will give Him praise! HALLELUJAH! then i was reading books by C.S lewis and i see this," Do you think I am trying to weave a spell? Perhaps i am; but remember your fairy tales. Spells are used for breaking enchantments as well for inducing them. And you and I have need of the strongest spell that can be found to wake us from the evil enchantment of worldliness which has been laid upon us for nearly a hundred years. "

Think using imaginations until you can see with your heart. yup!
We do see that our life as CHRISTIANS haha! is to know that everything we read in scriptures is true! and its for us to come to know it is really the truth. you may sing "the truth, the light , the way" but do you really believe in it?? we may discover the task for us is for us solely to accomplish. WE have so much around us, happening all around us... inside outside.. everywhere.. But we have to find our courage!
The hour is late! and you are very much needed by God! (otherwise He wouldn't gone to the cross for you!..use your common sense.He died so that we can have our heart and sets us free) so much hangs on the balance... where is ure heart now? where is it?
Remember, the Enemy will try all ways to make u busy to let you be weary and ignore the heart, to wound you deeply till you sometimes will not want a heart,to twist theology so you will despise the heart. Of course then your heart be in fierce and great battle cause it is the most precious to God. Without heart, you cannot have faith! in other words, without your heart, you cannot have a life!! The question now, did Jesus kept his promise? What have he done for out heart?
ifs your heart is not of the right attitude, not of the right place, repent before Him, pray for ure eyes to be opened to the unseen.. pray guys! PRAY...

Also, i was listening to phil pringle and he said this, God says that His yoke is light.. but many of us regard the things that we ought to do as a duty... thus we get heavy hearted and very restless.. but hey din God say His yoke is light? if its by your strength you do things, and which yoke are you carrying? the church? yours? your ministry? or His??! cast ure cares on Him, are you able to do it yet? are you able to carry His works through you and not your supposed to do list work from yourself? think about it.. and learn to tap into His strength, His presence, His power.. learn guys.. there is so much on so little! why wun you listen and see! and taste the goodness of God.. Let Him control you instead of you running to the things that you 'want to accomplish' come on! arent you a little silly for this? HUH?

2007-11-29T06:03:00.000-08:00

haven been thinking pretty much again these few days, and after reading others blog, i felt amused by one of them. i thought to myself, why do people feel this way, the main cause, the factors that attributed to it? and then my mind drifted to another part after much questioning. Its again about human relationship. i ask myself, have i done well? obviously not. but i have tried and tried... then as i was doing my QT, i thought i was being transported into a mountain top, with Him. And i trembled all over, and then tears jus spill out of their own accord, it's just so sudden. Then He asked me few questions, and gave me all the answers. he later directed me to few scriptures and i felt like the things that have constrained my mind to think are gone. Boop! jus like that. Words He said were jus few, but its enough to last me a long time. And later i continue to worship Him. His presence is more than enough.many people around me are going through difficult times i know, but if you yourself dun wan to break through that barrier, God is not going to force you, He never force, but He is waiting for you on the other side of the river. Are you going to stay there waiting for a magical cloud to carry you over? its not going to happen you know.. haha... it takes your effort. Yes, its hard, its tough you complain. but hey, Jesus took the step to scarifice for us, are you going to let Him wait forever? He can, and He will. But look beyond that, fight not jus in your battlefield but His. not jus fighting for your battle but His! Fight for His will, have you forgotten? have all the things that you try to do blur your vision? have the things you try to get been too hard to get and you have been running after it for too long? what are you holding on? what are you letting go? when are you going to be like this? when are you going to step out of the boat and walk on the water with Him? where are you?

anyway, i wanna thank pu pu! hahaha! thanks for being with me even when i am crying over chatting with you. talking with you comforts me. LOVE YOU! hahahaah!

2007-11-24T08:25:00.000-08:00

heh heh heh~ hahah! i am so happy! sha la la! haha! today's messge was a good one. at first i was thinking that pastor jus preach about dreams and how to make them a reality and thats it... but it was the end that really touched me.. the bitterness and forgiveness part. i mean i jus blog up that there are things happening in my life that i am upset about and was hurt. yes i admit, that i was hurt and was allowing myself to have bitterness inside my heart that i thought that as long i dun say,it will somehow go away.... but when pastor tan talked about the bitterness and how the bitter and sweet is near, it hit me.... it shook me... and it stings.. it really does.. then uncontrollably i literally cry like a baby.. then i bring all my hurt and worship Him.. for He is greatest above all.. then after that i told myself, i mus let it go... i mean this is life... a life which is full of ups and down... if this again i am going to withhold anything from Him, how am i able to go on with jus my own strength?.... everything pastor said really impacted me... and i hope it did hit you too! hahaha! BLEH~

2007-11-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

batman! yea yea! hahahah! i told ms wen that i used to have this batman outfit when i was young! i was memerized by batman and his heroic works! hahaha! i had the full outfit! but too bad that i din photo in it when i was young... sigh... hahhaa... well.. things have been happening these few days and i thought of giving up.. i thought of why mus i go through so much and why do i have to face them.. and i started to break down before bible study... its been a while that i cried, literally cried for few mins.. i am strong kays! haha! i thought to myself that why mus i hang on, why mus i listen to ppl when no one is listening to me.. i ask myself why did i do this why nt that and all kind of stuff flooded my mind.. within us really few mins i managed to get a hold of myself and pull myself back together.. when i got home i felt better and ate ice cream which improved my mood a whole lot better... then i realised that why mus i think of these.... jus let God deal with it and let Him jus lead me.. and i have to put all the hurt that people inflict and jus let it go... then all of sudden this thought jus prop up.. frens.. my love for them... how can i love them more? how do i tell them how much they meant to me.. people around me... and new blood.. new covenant.. my prayer group.. and it all hangs on me... then i listen to corrinne may songs and i cry on the inside.. i told myself i have to be strong... God is in me and He lives in me... i mus nt let my flesh and thought ruin me... then evan preached today's message then it remind me.. in the afternoon i was reading Max Lucado's He chose the nails and when i read it my whole heart flipped.. the love of God. the process He had to go through.. compared to ours, ours are jus like dust.. sitting in the afternoon in spinelli all of sudden i started to pray on the inside... then peace and all you need jus come over you... the love of God... how He touched me.. the things He showed me.. jus as u wait on Him, He come. I believe!

2007-11-20T22:41:00.000-08:00

well... currently at spinelli waiting for the day to pass... hahah then all of sudden had panic attack and couldnt breathe.... sigh.. i mus overcome my fear and start applying my theraphy on myself! hahah!.. anyway, jus feel really bored and my head feel heavy hahaha! as in there is too much to store and gosh really have to handle things well! bored and then thought of questions here and there.. overthinking takes place when i am bored.. haha.. so yea then a lot of answer and thoughts and i start to miss people.. wad a random one!

2007-11-18T01:28:00.000-08:00

Hey yo yo yo!!!!! ah fang fang in the hse yoh! haha! phil's painting have been awesome i mean really BEAUUUUTIFULLLL! wheet wheeet!! hahaha! well, anyway, when pastor phil painted the twelve disciples, i was wanting to be the red one with purple hair! hahah! judas looked the most miserable one anyway! haha! and when pastor was painting, my heart started pounding, a mixture of excitement, hope, happy, sad, and a lot of emotions was going on. then i jus feel the holy spirit was moving, and out of sudden i tear and it jus so amazzzzing! haha! okok! i also like the cross! which is like whoo!i mean if i have that in my personal ideal room in future! woo hoo!i be like pastor ulf taking his jacket and swing man! haha!

oh yep yep, hahaha it was so funny that i have to buy a birthday card on saturday then was so extremely tired and din wanna go, so smsed ms wendy if she have, she said yes and later called me and asked if its cake! i am like noooooooooo, card..... not cake... and i was in a very oh no mood ! haha.. but anyway have to go buy present so might as well buy card also... hahaha... but MS WENDY! thanks anyway! hahaa! she is also one of my closer fren that i can also talk to ! she is also very nice and i feel that she is someone that i can learn a lot from. and her words i do value a lot, though her words sometimes makes u think a lot hahaha! but hey she is one of my better pals kays! hahahah! i mean okay jus a bottomline, i do take her and other better pals seriously! .....

.. a lot in my mind now, but cast ure burdern on him right? ok. hahaha! thats wad i always do. anyway wendy! i love ure mom! hahaha! she is such a cute power mom i should say! haha! and i do envy them truthfully. i mean i yearn for a family like the ongs' haha! i mean, how many people will have family that u can jus feel that they are so together you know. of course every family have their own problems but i mean maybe its because i dun have that, thats why i would wanna have that. haha! ok lar no more talking already! have to finish up my research paper! BYE!

2007-11-11T07:19:00.000-08:00

hey hey hey! i am back! fang's back in action! doodoodoo! hahah! i can be back all thanks to pam!!! haha! eveytime when i feel so down and helpless i can always turn to her. though things that she says all its wad u know and so simple but thats the point i need it.. and maybe cause i place a lot of value in her words, it makes me reliant on her more and more.. of course i mean i also mind a lot of my frens and all but maybe its the first impression i got from her, always so positive, makes my insides vroom vroom again. hah! anyway after this wk with pastor Ulf is such a blessing. I mean i receive a lot! trust me! haha! answers that i have been asking have been answered. Really.. and it triggers me to probe more and ask God a of things. I overthink a lot, thats one of my the things that should have been 'not to do' list but hey overthinking makes ure cells work more and churn more aye?

hahaha! ADOIS!

2007-11-08T09:11:00.000-08:00

on the verge on breaking down... sigh.. work and stress level is shooting up to the sky. then mood swing and listening to song and realise that i am not alone! haha! reminders by the Holy Spirit that He is with me! gosh! with Him thats y i am able to last that long! pray pray pray.

2007-11-05T00:32:00.001-08:00

2007-11-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

well, this wk is ARISE and BUILD!!! woooo!! haha! well jus to say that i am really trusting God and i was so impacted by what pastor preached today.. guess that cause there are some things that really affected me and i really recieve it and it was really awesome! i am jus beggining to recover but i guess i need more rest.. been busy with school work and cell and esp human relationship. but really love people as i love God hahahah really testing me to the ultimate! hahahah! i din expect myself to pledge that amount but i believe that my faith will move the hand of God! haha! okay got headache alr and have to rush essay OUT!!!

2007-11-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

terrible terrible day.... gosh, though i slept early but its so horrible, i keep getting headache that it hurts so much that i have to wake up many times to sit up and moan over it hahaha.. keep praying for my own health though... sat have to meet steven and today fri have to meet desmond and try to bring him over for cell....deep inside i am tired really, to the core i think hahaha. but God keep reminding me of things and i really rely on His strength to carry on.... then after which i want to watch the gameplay!!! ee yeeerrrrr! hahaha... been facing lots of people with problems that can be solved easily, but just that they need encouragement. patience is the key. alright.. shucks my hand kepe trembling as i type.. maybe its the medication.. okay okay got to do song sheet le ! OUT!!

yea yea!

2007-10-31T07:58:00.000-07:00

i feel so happy sha la la! hahaha! eee yer! shalala! pui pui! hahahaha! well my teacher gave me allowance for my essay soooo happy!! partly cause i was sick la!hahah! then afterwhich went for bible study but did meet up with wendy for a while and bought another jodi book!!! so excited!! then after which went to office and evan gave me make up bible study and how to say, i receive a lot. not jus the word that she preached but also she share a lot, which i really felt woah u know, i really am grateful and really she took time off for me, really thank her! love her yoh! hahah! i rarely say love ppl one kays so yea lo! shy lei! pui!
hahah! and also i wanna say like i really enjoy like studyin the word of God together and i really feel a lot and receive a lot! hmm for example that time with wendy at starbucks, although she jus share simple things, but it made me really think and i receive like woah never ending kind from God u know.. so.. if u wanna date me study together, i am most willing! wink wink hahahahaha!

2007-10-31T01:41:00.001-07:00

2007-10-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

2007-10-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

yesterday went out with little ong chun sim, wen,pumala,teacher poh choo, jolene, nini. after which only wen js and me went to catch a movie, unrest. SIGH and i tell you the unrest was soooooooo lousy! i mean pls, its nt even a how to say out of five star i give it 1 star man. instead of watching a horror film, i was watching a film which tickles me and so LAME! haha! yea! but i wan to watch halloween! the gameplay! and some others. who wanna watch with me date me kays! ahaha! sigh... envy joo able to go taiwan enjoy!sigh.. haha.. today jus by doing nothing allow me to think about things that i am doing then i realise a lot, and feel a lot. then i felt burden and a lot of other possible factors kept flooding my mind. but then i thought, not to let those haze my thoughts. okay i know i am getting nowhere now so OUT!

2007-10-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

hahahaha

2007-10-23T09:07:00.001-07:00

this is my classmate SHEN!! hes jus so funny! its a raining day so this is his raincoat and i jus couldnt stop laughing till i was literally bending down. he jus looks like a pervert instead!

Your Love is Extravagant

2007-10-22T19:50:00.001-07:00

Your love is extravagant

Your friendship, it is intimate

I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace

Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place

Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin

No greater love have I ever known

You considered me a friend

Capture my heart again

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin

No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend

Capture my heart againYour love is extravagant

Your friendship, it is intimate

God is the king!

2007-10-19T20:19:00.000-07:00

it was so frustrating when my proposal for the prayer group in school got rejected, i mean its all jus praying for students that are willing to come and gather and pray without disturbing people... they refuse and refuse and refuse, and i send and send and send in my proposal again and again and again and it got approved!! finally! but at one shot able to have five people each time only, so i am like hmm okay, so if i do it everyday and have different shifts, all can be worked out right??!! yeah!!! hahaha! it was tiring i mean to have all these at hand, but really i am very happy. and i thought whoa if able to bring all these people to church, whoa!

haha! but it takes time la, and i am still working on it. sigh. those people who wanna come kajiao again, come man! i am not afraid of you!haha!! urgh, i really feeling unwell.. okay OUT!

reading

2007-10-08T09:18:00.001-07:00

i was reading the book of psalm which is one of my fav chapters and then i see this : Psalm 19
1The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.
2Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge.
3There is no speech nor language, where their voice is not heard.
4Their line is gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them hath he set a tabernacle for the sun,
5Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.
6His going forth is from the end of the heaven, and his circuit unto the ends of it: and there is nothing hid from the heat thereof.
7The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.
8The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.
9The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether.
10More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
11Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward.
12Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults.
13Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression.
14Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

some random stuff

2007-10-05T06:23:00.001-07:00

chelsea (looks like fantastic four! hahaha!) she wearing priya glasses!
jurong sports complex! i like swimming!
oyster there! yum yum!
this is salmon broth or smth, my aunt says its presentation was too lousy! as if for pigs! hahahahhaa!

aloha!

2007-09-30T11:20:00.000-07:00

YEA YEA YEA! hahah! this is jus such an amazing experience, i mean i although told evan i was going to help out for children church, i wasnt being informed about anything then there was this time whereby aini have to go to choir dunno wad thing after service, then she asked me accompany her and i say okay. then there was the briefing, in the hall! wad a coincidence! a chance for me to help out... so i jus went to sit for the briefing. then during the week i was so busy i sleep only 3 hours average a day and have to settle some problem.... anyway, then i was totally deprived of sleep and frustrated on the inside... then the day that i have to support... i was seriously relunctant to go haha! but i know that i have alreasy agreed to help and i am not going to back out the last moment. so i drag maself there and man! i have to run around, help out as an usher, admin, where ever they need help, i have to go. so practically i was running all over the place.. then this cute kid, well, we kinna clicked !hahahah! then she was very attached to me and wanted to stick aroudn with me... then in the end, i was carrying her running! the people there agreed for her to stick around with me... haha! in the end! i tot i will faint seriously... for the first time i was totally relying on God's strength totally 100%.... then the people there. woah, din tell me the bus for us to bring us for serice was here until i saw other ppl happily bringing their bags to the bag then i realised! oh no! i practically ran like a manic back to take my bag then to bus! hahahah! made it for service and i reached jus as here in my life was playing.... then i tell you, tears jus flow out of my eyes. thank God it din fly out. i was so touched by it and after such a hectic day, i jus cant take it you know. thank pumala for leading me to my cell. hahah! i dunno where they were sitting! haha! work jus keep on piling but i was totally being stretched! totally, not jus the serving but also of handling other things make me realise that God is really doing something great in our life, and we musn't take what we have for granted. for every little thing that we have, we really dunno how God can enable those little things that we have into soemthing so great that you cannot imagine. I jus feel a lot. so much things that He have revealed to me and i am going to use it....... praise Him people.. worship Him.... if its wasnt for his strength, rest, peace, i wouldnt have even survived the week. hahah! HALLELUJAH! i jus feel that i really appreciate and thank God for friends like tricia, aini, wendy, pumala, chelsea, priya, they really are pillars that keep me from going on......yep yep. CHEERS!

God give me strength

2007-09-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

*yawns** i feel so sleepy man! after days and days if studying and today i dun think i can sleep AH! i hate it! i mean the period whereby is so duper sleepy i feel like total wreck! i cant sleep... i feel so miserable... hahha.. but then.. i am happy too.. jus the reading makes me giddy but then i shall go on studying and enjoy solitude with God.. ahahahha!(so tired i dunno wad am i blogging)

da di da

2007-09-19T05:36:00.000-07:00

ah la la! today was so freaking busy but good yea! anyways i have this habit of talking to myself and all of sudden i realise people around me glancing at me... then i realised that i have talk a little loud for them to hear me.... oops! hahaha! it was paisei!!! but then i ask chelsea, why she have no troubles? she say to me that i made her day! isnt she sweet!!!( CHEALSEA LOOK! I AM PRAISING YOU!!) hahaha!! i jus love some of the gals there! we flow you know? hahaha! and i scored full marks for test!! oh yea yea! shake ya bom bom!! hahah! alright! back to work! Bom sha ka la ta! ADOIS!

this reading...

2007-09-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

after all the studying, this is wad i become! aahaha! studying mental illness stuff for research paper and have been thinking through a lot..... then my mood totally go rock bottom again and realise that why care so much, just do my stuff, my 'duty' and then just put on a smile for that! that why i wun feel so mixed up on the inside, that why i wun feel vexed. right? sigh....

Nick Vujicic

2007-09-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

hey hey hey

2007-09-02T23:51:00.000-07:00

ma team mates! kl usher guy!
kl church
my bestie in kl!

room service yea yea!
aini!
vanessa! candid!
team one gals feet! haha

2007-08-27T10:14:00.001-07:00

GOD I NEED YOU

2007-08-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

practically in a very down mode right now.

dunno why have been really down these few days

but i dunno wad i am downing about

urgh! i really feel like crying, screaming hitting something

i know... i know that some of ya wanna smack me

when i think this way....

i cant believe it... joyce meyer words and the dun worry parable

kept going on in ma mind

then i ask maself

why cant i be okay without thinking this way

maybe i am jus sick and tired of some stuff

and blabbering around ( which i rarely do on blog!)

yea! blah blah blah! the only person i can trust

is only God.

people ask me trust them

but they kept hurting me

how can i ?

crying

over?

i dunno.....

2007-08-24T00:18:00.001-07:00

2007-08-23T01:19:00.000-07:00

2007-08-23T00:15:00.000-07:00

holidays aint over.. working and thinking about ma studies. yep yep. movies movies i wanna watch all..

found a mixture of old videos

2007-08-19T03:57:00.000-07:00

joyce meyer rocks!

2007-08-18T08:27:00.001-07:00

Hey Hey Hey!! haha! i love Dr. joyce meyer! i mean how many 64 years old woman of God is so on fire like her! climbed over a gate to preach!! if she can go to such extent, what about us! i mean look at the sleeping christians! the way she preached is so funny too, but you can feel God's presence so strongly ,a few times i find maself tearing. I just love her! yep yep!! hahaha!

lei lei lei

2007-08-15T09:45:00.001-07:00

ho ho ho ! these i jus bought! i going to buy more things! whaha!

ure gonna hear ma vioce when i shout it out loud!

2007-08-13T05:35:00.000-07:00

ma new pups! dutchness and lady!

Cell refreshments! i love them!! haha fav:

orange mint

the one next to spicy cheese

apple cinn.

whaha! i love donuts! crazy over them!

my pups! i got 2 more chihuahua! total i dunno how many i have alr!!

oh ya.. nini told me to do tests and here it is

the people that came into ma mind for the colours

yellow- tricia- buddy buddy

orange- aini- best fren

white- pam- twin

green- evan- the one who knows me best

red- wendy- the one i love most

cow, sheep, pig, horse, tiger( in order that i love most)

tiger-finance

horse-family

sheep- love

cow- career

pig- frens

well, personally i feel that the test well ok for the colours one but not at all for the animals one! so wrong!

wads this!

2007-08-09T09:05:00.000-07:00

ma goodness... ma sisters they really!! ahhhh!!!! i going mad lo.. keep wanting to delete ma church things and blah... so i decided to back up all ma files and reformat once and for all.. cause i had enough.. i am nt going to let them use this com EVER AGAIN! ma goodness...

i wan new stuff la.. everything..... blessings come!! haha!

wad a day

2007-08-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

well, today everything was great till i have to go to the doctor! ok nvr mind go 24 hours i prepared myself that the doc like blur blur one.. but this one! this stupid moron! so rude !! dun ever go there man! really i almost wanna kick his pi pi man!

But haha! today went have dinner with nini and wendy jasmine all very good la.. i always enjoy talkin with them.. :)

oh oh oh!

2007-08-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

well, today went to watch the transformers with wendy and joshua.. yea i know the movie was out long ago.. but i was busy to watch it ok! haha! then now got the time.. i desperately wanna watch evan almighty, rush hour 3, eh still got somemore but i forgot then name but anyway! haha! i jus feel much better... and yea... hehe! at least there was a movie i can catch to liften ma mood up today.. yea...

jus had smth going inside me again... man.. GOD! i feel so tired! truly.. but anyway its all over.. but anyway, i feel that its hardworking ah ha.. if u look at another way.. yea.. wadever....

God is King

2007-08-05T10:53:00.000-07:00

i am just so moodyyy... yes though festival of praise today was very good.. but i jus got home and jus feel so much.. not the demon thing but ma own ok... dun everyday demon demon.. i am sick and tired of it already.. i haven study for ma stupid exam.. which is around 7 hours later.... hai... how how how... i hate.. i feel like stupid damn burden to friends around me.. wad shit.

pi pi pi pi

2007-08-03T12:21:00.001-07:00

today is Festival of Praise day one one one!!!! hahaa! it was great.. the message and all was good... i am tired but not tired.. confusing eh? haha.. had dinner with aini joshua and wendy and all of us were in the state of 'rubbish talk' haha! spirit of death images flashed through during service but yea.. who cares about them.. they can go to hell!

well.. although the songs are those same ones! haha! but it still strike a chord in me still.. afterall i jus finish the demon inside me! hahaha! okok! i shall read the bible then go sleep le!! buai buai!

oh ya.. this is ma project.. well its kinna stupid but yea. who cares when the teacher likes it! haha!

Jesus set me free!

2007-08-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

today a lot of things happen and i decide not to be afraid of it. and i was listening to sermon by joyce meyer and she said the same as evan had advised me. and i was thinking to maself. i have to do this! i cant wait any longer. I love God and my life belongs to Him only. stuff in skool i dun care, jus concentrate on ma studies, anything else can come later.

I have said that i cant wait longer.. and God jus tell me to read Proverbs 3 and read it out, confess.. And i did.. the atmosphere straight away changed! HALLELUJAH! it jus from like u can sense darkness atmosphere to all u can sense is GOD atmosphere... and i jus get excited on it and i wrote down.. meditate on it. A rhema from HIM.. its jus amazing!

oh le oh le

2007-07-31T12:24:00.000-07:00

hehe! i am so happy! shalalala!! haha! why? i dunno.. like soemthing is off ma mind.. and i love working durig midnight! always u know so nice! and so u jus can do anything u wan! nx wk final exam le! stress ba.. but still can handle it.. heh!

hahaha!

2007-07-29T09:56:00.000-07:00

I feel relieve at deliverence today.. esp today after mike connell ministry service.. no doubt i was sort of disturbed by how i was during the ministry, but i felt release... Spirit of witchcraft was delivered out of me today... and i jus feel so many things happen.. and because of the foothold they had over the past years of ma life and i will not let it happen now.. felt a lot still and asked maself, did i shut the door in order for the demons nt to reenter anymore and i told maself dun think so much.. read God's word and all be overcomed! all will be alright. all will be settled by Him.

haha.

2007-07-26T09:24:00.001-07:00

i am totally drained and am terribly moody.. a lot of things happen that i dunno whr to start with.. but its all nt going right.. all in all.. i hate it.. and the medicine i took is making me blur totally... argh!!!!! i wan to cry but i couldn't. dammit.

heheheh!

2007-07-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

well...today was a tiring day.. got 2 test haven't study..
haiyoyo... man.. fever is coming.... headache is here already knocking on my door... a lot of things in ma head.. but i alr have the hai hai qi gong alr... so all be fine... have faith... haha... trying ma best to do wad i can... but what can i do to make it all better... tell me God.. getting sleepy lol.. which is bad.. things cant go into ma head.. man.. fever.. dizzy... i will get well.. i must BELIEVE!!

2007-07-22T07:35:00.000-07:00

this is how i looked like today

man.. i slept the whole day off today. man.. the feeling was great.. no wonder huixin slept for 2 days straight without waking up! hahahaha!! hai.. but i still feel troubled by things.. including sim stuff... urgh... ha. so emo today lar.. then wanna eat ice-cream also cant.. but i ate B&J yesterday... tricia's flavor!! haha.. then have a shock in ma life from stella sister.. man.. sian lo.. have to face some of the members in cell is really.. tiring.. i jus worn out thats why... suddenly its so hard to type things.. almost cant spell why.. haha.. wadever.

2007-07-22T02:52:00.000-07:00

how lei!!

2007-07-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

this is how i look right now...

hai... i seriously dunno how.. to go with sim frens to taiwan, or kl emerge, or taiwan to tricia pam aini and tricia's mom.... really fan!! i nt blaming pumala but pumala's boss! hai. anyway.... mus really pray and fast for mike connel's serivce.. scared lo.. haha!! wait i weird weird.. haha... have to start revising for exams.. argh...

sudden urge

2007-07-16T09:38:00.001-07:00

evan's favourite cartoon character is this moron

a sudden urge to blog.. dunno why. haha..

hai.. still cant decide lo.. kl emerge or china trip...

aiyo... how der lei...

ma test is tomro and i only start studying now..

haha! i conquer ma fever mountian today!! yeh yeh!

i nt TIKI like someone in ma cell group.. (she know who she is)

a lot to do. but love to do things in skool and home....

Thank God

2007-07-12T08:55:00.000-07:00

hehehe! HAllelujah! God is my provider.. haha ma dad passed me 50 dollars today and actually said that God asked me to give you this, no choice.. i mean although he said that wanting to spite me but man PTL!! haha..

actuallly i got dreamt that he will give me 50 dollars two times.. so one passed one more ! haha!! anyway man.. got fever today and headache and had flu and little cough... getting sick i think.. and truthfully i got a lot inside ma head that now i am slowly getting confused! *sneeze!* haha anyway.. yea i love God and He loves me and you too! yeh yeh yeh!! oh yea! and mus thank Him for his healing on my cell and my friends.. He is really our Almighty God!!

2007-07-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

Oh lei ye orh!!!! inishino yoh! man.. had a one of a day.... evan really make me laugh.. hehe... man trying to mugg but cant get anything in ma head!! bad bad.. tsk tsk tsk...

2007-07-07T10:17:00.001-07:00

the one who may inspire you

2007-07-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

when i feel like it

2007-07-03T04:53:00.000-07:00

man.. had one of a time these days.. during cell, had a mini prayer meeting and i just felt that when i pray, i jus felt terribly warm... its almost as hot when pastor lay his hands on me those kind. and i jus felt man... annointing of God.. its just so strong His presence.. if i was ant, i would cherish the place there man.. haha! cause i dun have one at home..and i have to wait till midnight those wee hours to do my quiet time.. and as we pray, i just felt that God will answer, He is listening... There are many things that we have to be mindful about in our walk with God.. many do not realise that even as we walk with Him, there are many things that we forget, and i jus feel that we must constantly grow in Him. many here and there in ma head but i believe it will all work out. its so strange that God showed me how our cell be like in future, so detailed, so real. anyway, i asked ma parents about water bap ... expectingly they disagree.. but then hehehe! i will ask till i get the green light!!!

i love ma beautiful saviour

2007-06-24T09:41:00.001-07:00

i jus feel a lot everytime pastor kong preach.. images and other than pastor kong, i always feel the Holy Spirit tugging me, reminding me, praising me and a lot of emotions jus going on everytime.. cell group.. haha!! got some improvement le.. but still got lots more to do! i kinna pei fu Evan, Wendy, Pastor, the way they do things. yea the spirit they have, the commitment level.. so much have changed and dunno whr to start.. so yea.. might as well dun say! haha!!!! (learn from wendy one!! junsen tell her k!!) so yea!! blah blah dunno wad i am saying...

in ni shi yoh!!!!

2007-06-13T07:30:00.000-07:00

oh oei lei oh oei lei!!!!! HIGH MAN!! in the middle of exams and haven sleep up to 5 hours for these 3 days ler!!! FWAH!!!! and now i dun feel like sleeping.. jus worn out.. but i dunno when midnight, it seems to be the case that i jus feel HIS presence the strongest.. seems like He is guiding me through my studies, SO AMAZING!! OOOHH!!! AMAZING!! hahaha!! i feel apologetic to Him though.. cause of my studies.. havent been reading His word.. but He jus so understanding and such a kind father to me.. so gentle while guiding me.. i jus can feel it.. and i feel so ENERGIZED! like battery!!! haha!! must pray for cell, huixin, and wendy as well.. hmm.. blah blah blah again.. wadever la.. hahah!! yea! going to meet huixin and beloved rayna and aini at minds cafe tomoro!! so excited?! hahaha!!

wad a day

2007-06-08T09:03:00.001-07:00

this is wad i feel today.. cell group outing.. well.. it was like i dunno how to describe it but like DUH! never mind about the always last minute confirmation of the destination but then with some one attitude.. well an unexpected 'mature' member's attitude, i was really PUI la! PUI him lo! i really have 'fire in the belly' ah! but it was ok since i and aini, rayna, xian ying, stella went other places when they eat... the sake sushi was like full house.. not i say lo but las min and u expect the place wad empty for u? then go for dessert, the argh! then nvr mind.. bu then i feel like today's outing.. really defeats the whole purpose.. realli MUST PRAY AH!! MAN!!!

ee yeh ee yeh

2007-05-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

whahah!!! great in skool !!! ha! although din get to play with my playmate today, but during the break ,veena and priya n me talked about brazilian waxing and other different kind and haha!! got to know some interesting facts!! and we agreed to go for a try together! ahha!! i jus feel so blessed having Him by ma side everyday of ma life.. though have problems and ahh all but then i dunno.. i no longer feel tied or controlled by it.. i jus feel happy everyday.. and i felt that Yea! empowered by Him! ha. emerge... heheheh!! high ah... nvr sleep a lot high man!! hahah!

praise and worship

2007-05-27T05:14:00.001-07:00

ha.. hai.. humph..

2007-05-25T09:57:00.000-07:00

argh.. the hours of sleep kind of really upsetting my body and emotions..... yea.. my mood swing comes and goes but still under control. terribly upset over the cell prayer meeting.. cause of me like still have barrier in praying in groups, i tend like argh... i think i mus really find someone in cell to pray with me more often.. otherwise, if i keep having the barrier i think i go nuts.... hai.. dad jus nag and nag again.. and say that if i keep on going cell and church he will join me and blah.. and i was thinking, ok lor.. come join.. i welcome you man! hahaa! money.. jia lut.. parents not giving me enough money larhss... hai.. dunno how to go church tomro lor without $.. think mus go dig coinbox alr.. whaha! its all for a good cause, why dun they jus trust me.. my family have trusting problem with me too.. i dun blame them.. but.. stil... its kinna urgh.. yea.. have to stay up and study lo... exams coming!!! argh.. totally drained.. but then i can do all things through Him. yea!

man.. haha

2007-05-23T09:23:00.003-07:00

well.. din go for the movie.. WHY?.. cause have to rush home and teach aunt to do invoice.. GREAT in skool!! ahahah!! playing around with frens esp math lesson!! freaking funny!! cause the china lecturer so long winded and all.. played sort of wording or wadever u call it game.. then went home and realised there is tons of revision to be done and more tests coming up.. and its so funny i am blogging now cause i am left with like 3 and a half hour to sleep.. no choice.. have to really wake real early sleep real late jus to study and revise.. but i feel its all worthwhile.. as tired as i am, everytime whn i jus stop for 5 min and pray, God jus take away my tireness and i am jus like a battery fully charged. ha.. i am the battery connected to a powerful source of electricity!! God is my electricity provider! haha!!! ok.. gonna turn in.. gonna meet ms tai tai tricia to paa her cd too! haha! poo poo!

life in uni !

2007-05-22T04:55:00.000-07:00

well! today music lecturer was very humourous!! her actions and all! haha! got back my papers and hehehe!! got 18/20 for music and psychology 7/10..sad la... like kanna poo! haha.. but i still thank God that during my paper i jus felt very calm and and yea feel He's with me.. been fasting for cell and personal spiritual growth.. and for family too.. Hope that everything will get better!... so yea.. i going to have like prayer buddies at skool! so cool! heh.. i love my unimates!!!! muack them!!

yoh yoh yoh breakthrough.

2007-05-20T03:39:00.001-07:00

whahah!!! today went for service and stayed for prayer meeting and it was FANTASTIC!! OVER THE TOP!!! actually for today, wasn't feeling alright at all.. cause of family, i was very disturbed and was very very upset.. during the start of the service, i jus cannot stop crying. some part of me still grieving over my grandma.. and some.. yea.. but its jus that sudden moment, .. in the spirit, i jus felt God comforting me, and i jus felt very peaceful within.. and He said to me that everything is going to be alright... stay with Him.. press on. and i stopped crying.. all of the sudden.. all the bottled feelings jus boom! gone!
i started to praise God, kept on praying.. and its very amazing that i jus feel that God stands beside me.. and during the prayer meeting, as i am walking around praying for emerge, i jus felt someone lay his hand jus above my back hip and jus pushed me forward, i turned back, nobody was there but i felt it again and again... inside of me was like panic?.. haha! really, cause it jus so sudden.. then i realised its Him whos pushing me and i hear Him speaking to me and i keep on praising and praying. i was very very excited and very happy!
praying is really a powerful tool u should use really.. after prayer meeting,as i was walking back home i felt tired, and i jus pray in tongues softly, and jus then, i jus feel very very energised, its jus like when u sleep a lot and very full and ready to go tht kind.. and i thank Him again and again. EVEN so! not finish yet! haha! when i jus stepped into my house, my mom scolded me using dialect 'vulgar' language, but its like although i hear it, but i jus felt God place a transparent protective armour against it, cause although i hear it, but its like immediately, God speaks to me, He said, "don't be discouraged by what she says,let it go! do not listen!" and i jus did, i din let it bother me. and i jus felt another WOW!
jus in one day, and it was in that day, i really felt God, so tangible. yeah! haha!

2007-05-17T03:51:00.000-07:00

blessed is the lord !

2007-05-17T02:49:00.000-07:00

woo woo~ well, these few days been having lots of fun! heh! love my unimates, they're like as crazy as me.. a huge group of us agreed to watch pirates of carribbean! yay! hahah! and class lessons well been really fun too! test and all been really good heh! except maths!. i dun realli feel good after doing the paper today! but i will jia you! haha!

din expect myself to really study tht hard.. and in lessons, feel can really understand and whahah! going to register for piano and violin lesson! whaha! and found a lasting bag, though not as huge as aini! XP

and i jus want to thank God for letting me have a great well mailpal?! ahah! and finally found someone that i can talk heart to heart to and get to pray for each other and all and rayna shared with me that she and some of her frens well pray for each other and really it how to say , i also wan to do that with my frens around me too! haha! da- da- da!!!!

I am precious in His sight.

2007-04-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

emotions running up and down in ma head. wad to say.. anger? sad? happy? confused? frustrated?.... hai ! the onli thing i can say now is jus hai! hai! hai! hai! hai! hai!. yep. it sucks.

shelly.

2007-04-21T08:56:00.000-07:00

i hate myself for not being able to bring them here to see you for the last time. i hate myself for not being able to stop thinking of the happy times we shared and stop crying about it. i hate myself for not being able to spend more time with you in the past. i hate myself for not discovering you were sick long ago. i hate myself for not being able to do ask doctor to discharge you even i know you yearn for it. i hate myself for i want to do so much more for you. i hate maself for not being able to stop this all from happening. i hate maself that i have to see you leave just liddat. i hate maself for everything. onli guilt and so much other feelings inside me. happy that you received salvation but upset that you've gone away,.....feel maself breakin down. the only thing i am able to do now is just to hold on to ma memories of you and hope that up there in heaven, you're doing smth greater than you have done here.

yo yo yo yo

2007-04-17T07:11:00.001-07:00

caught me while i was falling

2007-04-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

As long as stars shine down from heavenAnd the rivers run into the seaTil the end of time foreverYou're the only love I'll needIn my life You're all that mattersIn my eyes the only truth I seeWhen my hopes and dreams have shatteredYou're the one that's there for meWhen I found You I was blessedAnd I will never leave You, I need YouChorus:Imagine me without YouI'd be lost and so confusedI wouldn't last a day, I'd be afraidWithout You there to see me throughImagine me without YouLord, You know it's just impossibleBecause of You, it's all brand newMy life is now worthwhileI can't imagine me without YouWhen You caught me I was fallingYou're love lifted me back on my feetIt was like You heard me callingAnd You rush to set me freeWhen I found You I was blessedAnd I will never leave You, I need YouChorusWhen I found You I was blessedAnd I will never leave You, I need You ohChorusI can't imagine me without You

YEH YEH YEH

2007-04-11T01:46:00.000-07:00

When you're hurting

My heart it breaks

Knowing I caused you

To feel this ache

When disappointed in me

All I can do is cry

Hurts to know I did this

Need you to understand why

Letting me lean on you

From oceans away

Keeping me strong

Giving me hope to stay

Telling me when things

Get too heavy for me

My burdens you will carry

All your love giving to see

The story of my life

Nothing but pain and sorrow

You have taught me

There's always a tomorrow

Each day I wake

Find your hand to hold

Smile on your face for me

Worth more than any gold

My wish for you

Happiness all your days

To wake with a peaceful heart

For this I always pray

sigh..

2007-04-10T05:42:00.000-07:00

jus feel well.. very fed up.. pissed off.. and i wan to slap the republic poly people lor! the way they do things! keep dragging! wad is wrong with them man! for work.. i jus feel.. its really boring .. nothing to do and get paid 800.. like duh.. travelling expenses.. aiya.. i dunno lei.. keep having lots of things in my mind.. so tired lo... tired tired tired tired.. bleh bleh bleh.

what shall i say to you?

2007-03-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

had a great great service today.. and not feeling well. after taking those pills, argh...keep getting dizzy spells ,cold shivers,upset, unable to eat, no strength, short term memory,losing concentration,want to vomit . but still, i believe in the power of God. He is my healer, rest, shelter and all of my everything! so yeaa.. i am alright! just that the attitude of some cgm is just erm, a turnoff.. they are not motivated.. hahaha! so i thought to maself that i going to kick their lazy bum on by one.. yeaa.. just some of them.. cause i feel that they have to start to realise how are they going to continue from here. either you're all in or not. no such thing as haf-haf. cg gotten smaller which i think is better, at least you see whos are the true faithful ones.and my bro! hai! need to push also! like the las time me! haha! watch tv, slack all day.. hai... hahah!

oh man! I found ma things!! horray!!

2007-03-22T05:32:00.000-07:00

HALLELUJAH!!! i found ma dairy that was hidden like 2 years ago.... and when i flipped open and read, Praise the Lord! words like God, pray and others, those words i din expect maself to write in the past , man i did wrote it man! and besides, i did decorate it quite well.. so decided to carry on with it haha! and besides, i cleared one of ma cupboard and i counted in total i have around 10 notebooks.and i was laughing to maself.. 10! man! just only for my own quiet time and just to note down some verses and all need 10 noetbooks! imagine if i take other things that i have to write also.. cant imagine in total how many if i clear my studyroom cupboard.. i think i can find another 15 or 20 in there.. i jus love buying notebooksknow.. haha .. Desmond just called me!! oh my! first time a 'nonresponsive' member called me himself! haha wanted me to help him sign up for bs.. cause i force nicholes to.. haha.. but its good la.. at least both of them have the initiative to look for a partner to go together! ahahaha!

to love You Lord, every single day!

2007-03-21T07:35:00.000-07:00

well! i feel great today.. decided tht to change for the better! i really felt that ma life sucks! ahaha! ya it sucks! just like a thirsty depressed animal living in a dessert! ahaha! the thirsty depressed animal is going to find some water man! DIG DIG DIG!!(qila!) ahaha.. but still.... yea.. am TIRED and SICK with people excuses! and wadever reasons man! you know who u R!! and i am SICK OF yOU!!!!!! so yOU better wake up ure idea K! cause if yOUR going to still lie under the sun and wait for me to dig up a well, you better consider twice cause i'll make sure i DIG up a good deep enough well, drink it and drink somemore to spit at yOur face to wake up yOUR idea ! HUMPH ! cause I AM VERY SICK OF YOU!

well

2007-03-18T06:45:00.000-07:00

this is ma ah ma in m'sia.. fell and have half of her face have those blood clot.. she's recovering well.. talked to ma aunt there and she helped me to see things in a more positive perspective.. using verses from bible, she explain to me about things...

anyway this is ma nephew ahaha! cute hor! haha!

blood flow the streets

2007-03-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

going to m'sia tonight..

to visit ma grandma who

had blood clot removed in her head

am angry.. jus dunno why..

am frustrated.. am tired..

everything doesnt seems to help

wadever i do dosent make me feel better

dunno.. wadever i do now seems like shit

at a certain point of time, was

actually doing things halfway

and jus cry like a baby

hitting and throwing everything i can see

in my room

wadever it is maybe its jus the way it is?

full of shit

how strong are you?

2007-03-12T06:32:00.001-07:00

After all the words are said,after all the dreams we made;

every one a precious one,every one a summer sun...

A moment lost, forever gone,can never be again,

so know how much it means to me;

all you said,all you gave,all your love to me.

Feel the touch of tears that fall-

they won't fall forever

In the way the day will flow

all things come,all things go.

Summer. When the day is overthere's a heart a little colder;someone said goodbye,but you don't know why.Somewhere there is someone keepingall the tears they have been weeping,someone said goodbye,but you don't know why.Is there a reasonwhy a broken heart begins to cry?Is there a reasonyou were lost although you don't know why?Give me a reasonwhy you never want to say goodbye.If there's a reason,I don't know why.Always looking for a meaning,all the time you keep believing,but I don't know whyyou won't say goodbye.Even when the sun is shiningyou don't see the silver lining,but I don't know whyyou won't say goodbye.Is there a reasonwhy a broken dream can never fly?Is there a reasonyou believe and then you close your eyes?Give me a reasonwhy you hide away so much inside.If there's a reason,I don't know why.Is there a reasonwhy a broken heart begins to cry?Is there a reasonyou were lost although you don't know why?Give me a reasonwhy you never want to say goodbye.If there's a reasonI don't know why.I don't know why.I don't know why.I don't know why.

ti ti ti

2007-03-05T05:49:00.000-08:00

had a wacky day today, ahaha! had a 'family' day and it was neither here nor there... cause everybody wanted to go sentosa, but then later after reaching there... everybody stone... and ask why did we come here.. and everybody was fighting! then after which i wanted to play water.. which is swim.. but then ma mom said NO hahahaha!!!!! so funny! then later 'tuasing' along tuas there to find a restaurant to makan.. after which then reached home all theses took whole day ! oh my my!!!

oh man

2007-03-04T08:08:00.000-08:00

its well, humph.. kinna not bad la these days ahah! although have little 'accident' ahah is it but it was great! not that the accident was great but get to really talk things with ma family though not the religion part yet but everythings fine! and i am over the top of earth man! dilys got a blog! omg can u believe it! blog! her! ahah!

heh heh heh

2007-02-26T07:52:00.000-08:00

heh evening time was great ! where there's no fight over religion or money issues. had first family time since wad 3 or 4 years old is it? no i think smaller.. haha! well as far i can remember, this is the first mini outing we had. drove ma parents and sister, bro to pasir ris park around 8 plus to there.. before that we bought durians .. haha eat durians in park! woo! then ma dad sister and bro and i raced each other to the car. i got in second heh! not bad huh.. after which drove to geylang there had 'chou dou fu' smelly beancurd, and others. i ate around 15! wow! a record! who ask ma family din ate much. sian lo. then later ma fren called and drove to pick her up to eat too. she also cant eat much hahahha! i jus love the smelly beancurd, but this wasn smelly enough searching for smellier!!

GOD !!!!

2007-02-25T06:55:00.000-08:00

this was ma expression to ma sister when she asked me to burn the 'temple' cd into ma lappie.. she din think about ma feelings, and of course i will not wanna do tht wad for man.. i jus refuse nicely.. but she still grumble about me being blah....

really praying inside ma heart that ma family will get saved! and hai.. i really get very upset these few days.. REAL UPSET about hai.... wad to do .. dabian lol ! forget it.. if they dun appreaciate it then nvr mind.. but REPENT man!

everythings gonna be alright..

2007-02-24T07:36:00.000-08:00

was quite upset today, ..... maybe everything going around is making me feel bad all over again. this time i did ask God, why these? why are these all happening and its getting worse... and this time, i really tried all out, gave ma best behaviour, really tried to put things back on track again.. but they till cant understand me.. and force me and argh! a lot of things.. ha.. its all messy .. din wanna say.. but see how lo.. nvr going to give up man.. argh! haha.. praying that it really will go away.. otherwise guess this time, i dun think i going to make it over. yea. OVER!

loves loves tsk tsk..

2007-02-15T20:13:00.000-08:00

ain't these cutey cute cute!! heh!

heh heh heh

2007-02-15T06:52:00.000-08:00

hehe... went for service about half an hour then rushed off to restaurant for reunion dinner.. drank about 5 glasses of red wine, its such a great feeling, such a long time since last year i did not touch any alcohol. but was just half sober, not too bad.. reunion dinner was fun with ching, always fun with her and being with her just able to be myself and have fun! but seeing xiong makes me very upset.. but who cares about him.. haha!! planning what to do and where to go tomoro cause feel very sian.. haha...

Jesus, take the wheel

2007-02-14T10:11:00.000-08:00

Jesus, take the wheel
(Carrie Underwood)
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati On a snow white Christmas Eve Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline It been a long hard year She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention She was going way to fast Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass She saw both their lives flash before her eyes She didn't even have time to cry She was sooo scared She threw her hands up in the air Jesus take the wheel Take it from my hands Cause I can't do this all on my own I'm letting go So give me one more chance To save me from this road I'm on Jesus take the wheel It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder And the car came to a stop She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock And for the first time in a long time She bowed her head to pray She said I'm sorry for the way I've been living my life I know I've got to change So from now on tonight Jesus take the wheel Take it from my hands Cause I can't do this all my own I'm letting go So give me one more chance To save me from this road I'm on Oh, Jesus take the wheel Oh, I'm letting go So give me one more chance Save me from this road I'm on From this road I'm on Jesus take the wheel Oh, take it, take it from me Oh, why, oh

ahahaha

2007-02-13T08:31:00.000-08:00

woo hoo~ managed to persuade stella to come daddy there and work, haha, seeing her work is do funny!! cause she looks funny though twith the apron and seeing her work without all those vulgar languages really wow! and bought tulips for evan on behalf of cg for valentine! hope she like it ! hehehe.. family all sick, have to take care of them too.. dreamt about regina, wondering if i should do something to help her.. hai... see how its goes ba.. haha!!

tough day

2007-02-12T05:48:00.000-08:00

well, had a quite a day today, i and mom had agreed to find ma jeans and shoes today afternoon, but in the afternoon when she came back and fetch me, she bring me to temple...dots.... well, humph, since she insist on it, i might as well go, not that i believe in it, but if going makes her feel better, i went... the fortune teller said the first thing is " wa! what you fretting over? a lot of going on in your mind ah.. then he said , well you excel in 2 subject, you know which? the subject on tv and radio... and he went on, you can study, but lazy, and u mus marry after 25 years old, and you leave long hair betta and dun be jealous easily, and so on..." i was quite upset, why do they have to believe in this rather than realli working and create a destiny a so called better future than sitting here listening to these..

i was quite affected, not by his words, but by how my family insist on bringing me to temple... and which after, ma sister as usual attacked on who i believe in, insult ma God, insult ma way of living.. when i explain to them, they attack me.. and i feel i want to cry, why can't they be understanding as i am to them? time... time tells everything.. jus hope it wun get worse.. really praying hard... argh..

how it started

2007-02-10T08:32:00.000-08:00

Jus very irritated ah! Haha.. quite a thing to say at the first entry but well.. I really feel up to ma neck.. and really praying through… through all.. and really hope that ma family will get saved.. I jus feel sometimes I will get internal injury haha.. but hai it’s most of believers have to go through with a different religion background. sigh....